Have You Ever
by HC247
Summary: Pocahontas Songfic. What do you do when you've made a mistake, but you don't know what to do or say to fix it? Please RR.


Hey everyone!

This is my fisrt crack ever at a songfic. I'm not exactly sure how to write one, so please bear with me as I tried. This is to S Club 7 song "Have you Ever" which is beautiful, but sad song. I hope you enjoy this and please, please,please RR. Thanks!

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_Sometimes, it's wrong to walk away  
Though you think it's over  
Knowing there's so much more to say.._

John Smith lay in his room of his small English flat, listening silently to the rain hit his window. In many ways the rain was expressing what he was feeling. Darkness, depression, sorrow. Emotions that were in his heart, but he could not bring himself to express. He had never known a pain such as this. How easily it was brought on, yet how difficult to heal. He remembered the words his grandmother used to tell him. _"Time heals all pain, my dear one. It is just the attitude of the individual who determines how long._"

The young captain sighed and rolled over to his side to try to block out the rain. The irony of the situation was just too much. It would take more than time to heal this. Much more than the few moments that had taken to bring it on. Though several days old, the memory was still freshly implanted in his mind. He could still hear her voice, feel the soft touch of her hand as if he were still holding it. And maybe he still would be. Except for him.

She had looked so calm when she had spoken to him. A look of peace that he could not understand. He had just told her with jubilant excitement that his dream had come true and all that was needed to complete that fantasy, that perfect world was her. Nothing more. Nothing less. He expected her dark eyes to brighten with excitement like they always had before when he had shared with her his news. But they didn't. Instead she had smiled sadly, taken his hand and spoken the immortal words.

"John, we walked the same path once." she had began, then had continued, but from that point he heard no more. From that simple statement, he knew that this was the end. The end of what could have been a beautiful future together. My heart broke as she continued to say things that made no sense to him, but instead of arguing, he had simply nodded his head and returned her sad smile. "I will always be with you." she had finished.

John had nodded. "I will never forget you, _mi amor_" He heard her gasp slightly at the end of his words. Mi amor. My love. He had whispered those words to her on the last night that they were together before he was forced to leave for England. He saw her eyes well up with tears that she tried so hard not to let him see. She had been about to reply when Rolfe had called to her. Something about a previous engagement that they needed to attend. She had looked to her new love and back to her old flame several times, almost not sure what to do. John had decided for her. Taking her hand, he lifted it to his lips and gently kissed it before brushing past her.

Only the soft sound of his name had stopped him. "John?" John turned slightly to see her coming slowly toward him. He had studied her quizzically, but she said nothing. Only slowly, gently stood on tiptoe to place a soft kiss on his lips. He had felt the urge to wrap her in his arms, but before he could, she had murmured a soft. "May the Great Spirit be with you." and hurried off to her new future. And John did not chase after her.

It was that decision her now regretted. He knew he was not done with her. There were to many unsaid words, to many unexpressed emotions. It was too late. She had made her choice and he must now live with the consequences. He had walked down those steps to the garden and never looked back. He was just as much to blame as she was.

_Suddenly the moment's gone  
And all your dreams are upside down  
And you just wanna change the way the world goes round _

Pocahontas stood on the balcony of her spacious suite in John Rofle's home across town. The native sighed heavily as she closed her eyes and allowed herself to be caressed by the cool night air. The silence was so peacefulso inviting. That was one thing she missed horribly about her homeEngland was nice, but she missed the solitude of her homeland, her own private thinking ground with Grandmother Willow to be of assistance. How she missed that place.

The young woman turned and went back inside to flop down on the large bed. This should be the happiest day of her young life, but instead she felt almost emptiness, like something was missing. The evening was wonderful. Rolfe had taken her to a fine English restaurant and wined and dined her beyond imagination. After dinner, he had excused himself for a short while, which had given her some time to reflect. It had only been three short days since she had refused John's offer to sail with him. At the time, it had felt right, but now something strange was eating at her heart. Feelings she couldn't rightly identify.

This was the point where Rolfe had reappeared and she had pushed all thoughts of John from her mind as she gave her full attention to him. Rolfe had given her a huge surprise when he pulled out a lavish diamond ring from his coat pocket, dropped to bended knee and asked for her hand. For a moment, Pocahontas had been to overwhelmed to speak. Thoughts of her former love flashed throughout her mind as if by clockwork, but with some serious effort, she was able to block them out. Instead her hands came to her mouth in a surprised gasp and she looked up to see his eyes shining, she had felt that this was right.

Somehow, she had managed to squeak out a soft "Yes!" and throw her arms around him in joy. He picked her up and swung her around several times before his lips met hers in a celebratory kiss, however..

_Tell me, Have you ever loved and lost somebody  
Wish there was the chance to say I'm sorry  
Can't you see  
That's the way I feel  
About you and me, baby_

As he kissed her, it was not Rofle that filled her heart. In her mind all she saw was her first love. When she pulled back, she saw what she had done and a strange sensation instantly filled her. When she declared her love, it was for a different man with the same name as the one who now held her gently in his arms. In her heart, she wished she were with him.

As she looked into Rofle's eyes and saw the genuine love coming through them, she felt her heart torn in a way she had never known. In a way, she did love him. She loved him with a friend love, a love suitable for marriage, but she loved Smith a different way. Her love for him was mad, deep and passionate. But it could never be. She had rejected him for what she thought was a better path. She wished with all her heart she could run into his arms at the very moment, apologize from the bottom of her heart and declare her love for him.

But she couldn't. He was leaving and now she had accepted a marriage proposal half-heartedly. She sighed as she blew out the candle on her bedside. She must live with the consequences of her choice.

_Have you ever felt your heart was breaking  
Looking down the road you should be taking  
I should know  
'Cause I've loved and lost the day I let you go.._

John lifted his freshly brewed cup of coffee to his lips and took a long sip. He had tossed and turned for some time before finally rising to sit up through the night. He pushed a handful of dishelved hair out of his face. He had to find some way to rid himself of this pain. It literally felt as thought his heart was breaking inside of his chest, slowly but surly, getting worse and splitting just a bit more at each thought of her.

John seated himself at this table and placed his head in his hands. What else was it that his grandmother used to tell him? _"It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."_ He chucked at the bitter irony of it all. How was it that all of his grandmother's parables had a strange way of coming true, especially in his life. He could not forget what had happened earlier that day. It had been around noon. He had been in town picking up some supplies for his upcoming voyage when he had seen her. She had been with him, browsing through the shops. They had not seen him, for that he was thankful, but what he had seen broke his heart even more.

On the left fourth finger of her hand sat a lavish ring that one would have to be blind to miss. It was really over, he now realized, yet he couldn't help but imagine that it was his ring that she wore, his hand she was clinging tightly too. Before they could sight him, he had fled back to the coverage and privacy of his flat to plan is soon departure to the West Indies for exploration, his latest expedition for the king. By burying himself in his work, he thought, he could finally be free of her memory and all the things that were never to be.

_Can't help but think that this is wrong,  
We should be together  
Back in your arms where I belong_..

Pocahontas paced in her room. Today was the fitting for her wedding gown, a first step in the planning process. She stopped in front of her full length mirror and studied her reflection. The woman who stood before her seemed foreign, unrecognizable. She sighed and resumed her pacing. She knew this was wrong. Her heart knew it was wrong, yet something was holding her back from admitting it outloud.

The young woman stopped dead in her tracks. The only thing that was holding her back was herself. She owed it to herself, Rofle and John to be honest. She let out a deep sigh, she knew what she must do.

_Now I finally realized  
It was forever that I found_

Pocahontas sat down at her desk with a piece of paper and a quill and quickly penned out a letter, sealed it and gave it to the maid to send right away. The young woman then made her way downstairs to complete her mission before it was to late. how she prayed it was not.

_I really wanna hear you say  
That you know just how it feels  
To have it all and let it slip away,  
Can't you see_

The moon gently cast it's beams of light over the water as John stood on the bridge overlooking the river. The man sighed as he looked at the sky. So many stars, he thought to himself. They lit up the night sky with such a magnificence, one couldn't help but stop and admire the simplistic yet breathtaking nature of it. He turned and leaned against the bridge, staring at the piece of paper he clenched in his right hand.

He had all ready to leave, a night departure he figured would help to ease his mind, when a frantic young boy had come pounding on his door. The boy had a letter that he said was urgent. John, somewhat alarmed by this so called emergency, tipped the boy, closed the door and torn open the letter. After reading it's contents, he pushed all other plans aside and did as the letter requested.

All his common sense told his not to go. He knew it was against his better judgment, but it truly was an emergency. A emergency of the heart. The sound of footsteps brought his out of his thoughts and turning his head to the right, he saw the cloaked author of the letter approach him. He stood straight and went to meet the mysterious author.

Pocahontas took down the hood of her cloak as John approached her. He met her halfway and stood stone faced, arms crossed over his chest. The tension between them was almost to much for her to take, but John saved her once again before she could run. "I'm here." he said. "Why did you need to see me right away?" Pocahontas gestured toward the letter in his hand. "I think you know." she said. "It's all there in black and white."

John took a step towards her. "If I thought this was just about a letter, I wouldn't be here, Pocahontas." he said, as he came closer and took her by the shoulders. "I came to hear it from _you_. I _need_ to hear it from you. Or else." he said, releasing her. "I'm walking away and never looking back." He took a step back. "Here I am. Say what you came to say."

_Even thought the moment's gone  
I'm still holding on somehow  
Wishing I could change the way t  
The world goes round_

Pocahontas could hold back no longer. Tears streaming down her face, she rushed forward into the arms of her first and only love. "I love you, John." she choked out. "I always have. I don't know why I was so blind that I couldn't see it." John said nothing, only held her as she cried.

"I've been such a fool." she whispered. "Can you ever forgive me?" John pulled back and held her at arm's length, gently wiping her tears away. "I already have." he said. "You know the depth of my love for you. I only wish that it didn't take this long for us both to realize it." Pocahontas smiled up at his through her tears. "Be that as it may, we have the rest of our lives."

John nodded and smiled. "We certainly do, _mi amor_." he said. "We certainly do." A gentle rain had begun to fall as the two lovers finally met in a passionate kiss that had been waiting so long to happen. Neither cared about the rain, only that they were finally together.

_Have you ever loved and lost somebody  
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry?  
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me baby  
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking  
Looking down the road you should be taking?  
I should know, 'cos I loved and lost the day I let you go_

One man did not share in the couple's joy. John Rofle watched from a short distance away as his former fiancé raced into the arms of another man, his arch rival, no less. He didn't know what had happened. Pocahontas had come running downstairs earlier wishing to discuss an important matter with him. Thinking it had to do with the wedding, Rolfe complied.

Imagine his surprise when she merely placed the ring in his hand, apologized profusely, telling him only that she couldn't marry him. No reason given. Now he knew the reason. An old flame that had never quite been extinguished. A flame that now burned once again as it had for so long. Rofle turned away, heart breaking as he watched the couple embrace like they had never been apart. As he walked away, he felt a single tear escape his eye, trying to forget what almost was.

_  
Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go_


End file.
